lose you for good

i wake for air find i cannot find
what we are looking for you lead me
across the hill up the side rail where
cars go off where we lost alex and
at the crest you fall away, too the mammoth
rise of land rises into water rising
and falling rising and falling and rising we will
be late if we mess with this, and that is the crux
where you are stuck and i
went for air in the airless city
am stuck on you and can’t get
you back unless you can
on your own

i end up w jess in the back
of a classroom which is also
the flop house i run.  i run i run
i run shit have always run shit this
shit into the ground she is gone is gone
too now and is convinced it is me

mine, my house where she is lost
herself this is not mine i am voiceless bc
i nod my head give her the look humm
along they all are confused i just mastered
the tune this is not mine was given
to me too we all do the same squeak air
steal breath pretend

there are two children in uniforms practicing
for prep school i am supposed to feed them
there are hot dogs and ketchup in the fridge
they know they don’t belong here and when for
them their comfort level their own sake of believing
the taking of will somehow actually provide them air
when i decide i can’t and go looking for you
again i am coming down the parkway exit where
there was never an exit before it is the other side
of the hill where we were first lost, my baby my baby
come back to me this is the airless voice the shriekless
shriek and a sheriff is by me lights on kind eyes but

clocking me i take off up the exit that was never
there and this is how i lose you for good

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